Misconceptions about foods and dieting

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life, is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you
can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. . What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your
recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is
distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the
fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.
Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to
one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain, Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these
days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in
it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!!
It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales
to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!